


His scars are worse than mine.

by existingdesire



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Ultimate Spider-Man (Cartoon), spideypool - Fandom
Genre: Depression, M/M, One Shot, Oneshot, Self Harm, Spideypool - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-10 15:52:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4397939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/existingdesire/pseuds/existingdesire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Deadpool just wanted to bug the loveable Spiderman. What he didn't want was to see all Peter's scars.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Two feet away from me lay an unconscious Peter. His clothing was covered in dried blood. His cheeks stained with tears. 

Peter's wrists were littered with scars. 

Scars so horrendous, and much scarier then those that cover my own body. 

I never knew Pete had demons. I thought I was the only one. 

I was only here to bug him and flirt. Like I always do. Besides I know how much the spideypool shippers would enjoy it.

Instead, I was greeted by a lifeless looking Peter. 

I'm not going to lie. Seeing Peter like this broke my heart. I've always been afraid to show him my face. My scarred face. 

I realize his scars were worse than my own. They were bigger, deeper, and there were hundreds more.

I picked Peter up bridal style. He needs more than his healing ability to save him now. 

He needs me. Deadpool.


	2. Peter.. Why.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is really bad.. I just didn't know how to put my thoughts into words. I promise the chapters will be better and longer!!

Have you ever wanted to cry, cry so hard the entire world could hear you but no tears came out. Instead all you could do was to stare into space as your heart shatters into pieces. Your heart feels as if it's being violently ripped out, and you can't even fight back. 

That's how I feel. The notorious 'merc with a mouth' is finally speechless. Who knew.

All I can do is wait. There's absolutely nothing I can do I've tried everything possible, except watch Peter moan and groan in his sleep. The sight of Peter in pain breaks my heart. It's even worse knowing he did this to himself. The amazing spiderman was broken behind the mask. It's all been a web of lies and I never knew. If only I would've known. None do this would've happened. I wouldn't be sitting here waiting to see the outcome of Peter's life. I wish he told me about his demons. I never knew he was fighting more than just useless thugs on the street. Pete. Why..

Why would he do this? 

Fuck why? 

Peter Fucking Parker owes me one hell of an explanation. 

He's perfect. He's the most amazing guy in the entire world. His smile alone could create world peace. He's the sweetest, smartest, goofiest guy I know. As spiderman he saves everyone. And when he can't.. He takes it hard. Pete as a heart of Fucking gold. And we can't forget his fine ass, that boy has a booty the size of the moon. 

Can he not see all that? 

I have to prove it to him... If he ever wakes up. With the amount of blood he's lost.. I doubt it.


	3. Back to the beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long, but here you go!!

Going back to the beginning. 

Ever since my uncle Ben died I've made it my duty, my purpose to protect every one and do something with my so called powers. I wasn't going to let his death ruin the rest of my life or those you needed me, who needed Spiderman. I may have lost someone who I loved dearly but the people of New York needed someone to save them. They needed a hero. They were in need of someone to look up to, someone who was beyond their wildest dreams. Even if the person behind the mask and all the witty jokes was just "Puny Parker" 

Being a hero wasn't as easy as I thought. Punch a guy here, stop a robbery there. Shoot a few webs. Save some lives. A TON of superhero team-ups. Sounds easy right? Maybe even fun. 

Wrong. 

There's whole mental aspect. You always have to be on top of your game. There's a constant fear eating me away. The fear of losing aunt May. The fear of not being able to save someone. The fear of not being good enough. These days I just seem to be afraid of everything. People say fear is temporary, if that's true then why is my whole life now being overrun by fear and anxiety..? Maybe I'm not cut out for being a hero. 

My mind is always swirling with questions. What if I'm not the hero they need me to be? The stress on top of it all is extremely overwhelming. Some days I can't help but cry. Yes, I've cried. Many times. Everyone just seems to be second guessing me. I've learned to deal with all the critics through humour. All the witty jokes and bad puns. Trying to always stay positive along with annoy my opponents. But JJJ still gets under my skin. His voice is constantly ringing in my ears. 

"Spiderman is a menace" 

"The people of New York don't need a hero, we can save ourselves" 

"The reckless web head is at it again" 

"Spiderman is no hero, he's a villain."

Maybe I am a menace. Maybe he's right. 

Ever so slowly I've started to believe him, and what everyone has been telling me. All the stress and anxiety came crashing down. Everything hit me at once. My once happy world became a dark living nightmare. The humour just became another mask. Another secret I had to keep from aunt May, and wade.. Even Wade can't cheer me up. Surprisingly. Everyday my smile become bigger and bigger, but that doesn't mean it's real.


	4. "I'm fine"

Not going to lie I've had a shit day so far. Imagine your worst day possible then multiply it by ten. That's who today's been. Honestly at this rate I would rather be chased by a million angry bees or forced to preform a strip dance. At lest wade would like the last option. So in attempt to cheer myself up it decided to go for a walk. Well, more like a swing..? 

I pulled my red overly tight spandex suit on, and jumped out the window. But seriously, this suit rides up a lot.. I need to get that fixed. Mental note. 

Everything was going pretty great. A nice cool breeze hit my body as I swung above New York. I felt free, no school, no worries, and I could finally escape my thoughts. I had nothing holding me down. Well.. Except for my webs.. I kinda need those, but my point still stands. 

Just as I thought I had finally escaped everything an all to familiar voice echoed through the city. Who did the voice belong to? None other than the notorious JJJ. Great. 'The biggest bully of them all' 

"What is Spider-mans costume supposed to be? It looks like he let a three year old designed it. How can someone protect us while looking like a freak show, maybe he should just go back to the circus." 

Ouch. I just mentally cringed. Who does he think he is? The fashion police? Has he SEEN himself in the mirror lately? His moustache alone should go back to the 1960's. And his grey hair.. I'm not even going to continue. He sure does know how to ruin someone's day. At least he's good at that. 

Before I knew it I had nearly swung right into a wall. God. I'm so damn stupid. I kept swinging through the City trying to clear my head once again, but it wasn't working. I was too distracted. All of Jameson's words kept replaying in my head. Jameson really knows how to get in my head... I decided to stoo before I became a bug on the wall. Even Jameson wouldn't want to clean me off a wall. 

~

My feet were hanging off some old apartment building while I was looking at the view. New York is so pretty, but filthy up close. Why do so many tourists even come here? Maybe to see the real heroes. Who knows. Rude New Yorkers and hundreds of tourists wondered the street below, the scent of freshly made chimichangas filled my nostrils-

Deadpool. 

"Hey Petey" the Merc said In between bites. I looked at his apparel and he had crumbs and various stains everywhere as usual and a banana in his holster.. I'm not even going to ask. I probably won't want to know.

"Really wade, chimichangas again..?" 

"Of course! It's tastes like a baby unicorn baby in your mouth with a hint of fake meat. But anyways what's up bug boy" 

"Well you know.. I'm fine" 

I lied. Broken. Useless. Alone. Clueless. Betrayed. On the verge of tears. Pathetic. I feel like I'm going to break down any second. Crushed. Depressed. So anxious I can't think straight. Stressed. I think I'm out of tears. Falling apart. Desperate. Never good enough. Lonely. Bitter. Ready to give up-

Deadpool was frantically waving his hand In front of me. "Hello? Earth to bug boy?" 

"Sorry wade." I really am sorry, for more than he actually knows. 

"Pete are you feeling alright..?" 

"Yeah, just tired" yeah.. Tired of all the secrets. Tired of faking a smile. I faked a half smile. 

Now I'm forced to lie to my best friend. Fuck. 

I'm absolutely fucked.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you guys like this chapter? It's not my favourite but I wanna know what YOU guys think! Please be as brutal or sweet as you desire, with love 
> 
> \- C


	5. I don't want to feel anymore

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for basically the whole book, I love you guys and if you need I'm here to talk. So with that in mind, enjoy this short ass crappy chapter!! ;))
> 
> Xoxo
> 
> \- C

I crawled through my window bruised, bleeding, and just plain exhausted. This spiderman gig gets harder and harder everyday. I swear the whole world is against me. At least that's what it feels like. My newest costume was now ripped, and torn in every way possible. Not to mention covered in blood. 

I trudged to the bathroom leaving a trail of crimson red as I clutched my side. A plain old thug had gotten a good swing with his knife. Spidey sense didn't see that one coming huh? The gash was pretty deep. I'd probably need some stitches. And pain killers.. Lots of pain killers. 

I pulled off mask once in the bathroom. Cuts, bruises and dried blood covered my face. I stood I front of the mirror for god knows how long. Within that time however I've managed to list every flaw possible. Not muscular enough, too skinny, too fat, ugly, a terrible fighter let alone hero and a failure.. To my uncle Ben. That was the last straw. Out of pure frustration, I slammed my first as hard as I could into the mirror. I couldn't take starring into the eyes of the moster being reflected back at me. Was this really who I turned into..? A monster. The mirror along with that dreadful reflection shattered within seconds and pieces went everywhere. I stumbled back, shocked and slide down to my knees. I could barely believe what I just did and was about to do. 

I started crying. Sobbing even.. That's right, Spiderman is crying. Take a picture it'll last longer, oh and send it to Jameson while you're at it. I'm sure he'd love to ridicule me for that too. He can add it too his list of insults. 

After my mental rant I had calmed down just enough to see the blood oozing from my fist. Drops of blood covered the floor. The pool growing bigger by the second. It didn't hurt. Honestly, I was shocked. There was no pain in my fist due to the glass. In fact I felt.. Better.. I had picked some glass shards out, but still no pain. I know I have healing powers but not feeling pain wasn't included. Still amazed I glanced To my side and saw a bigger shard and picked it up ever so carefully, gently placing it on my wrist. Without anymore hesitation I slide it across. Then again, and again. Blood trickled down my wrist and onto the floor. After that first cut, after I harmed.. I swallowed... Myself, I thought I'd be able to control it. To control myself but it got so addicting I couldn't stop. For the first time all the stress, and the worries, all the sadness just vanished. I can't stop, the pain of everything else is so much worse than this. 

I don't want to feel anymore.


End file.
